There was a time in my life when the world got the best of me.
An unhealthy marriage, devastating finances and shame from poorly made decisions…had hardened my heart. A hard heart led to a life without authenticity, as I tried to keep people at a distance and my problems under wraps.
When my heart was hard- my edges were sharper.. my tone harsher.. and my soul wounded. The people in my life didn’t see or experience this with me because like a chameleon, I camouflaged myself.
And one day, the bottom broke….
Discovering my husband’s infidelity became a game changer. This realization brought grief like I had never experienced.
With the devastation of divorce and a life unraveling…vulnerability got real.
Being vulnerable meant exposing my true self and accepting the judgement from others that might come.
This was hard for me. I was the girl who kept it all together, “fixed the problems” and piled on the burdens to relieve others. But now~without those rose colored glasses of denial, I could not escape what was left in front of me and I was left with no option but to be exposed and vulnerable.
Fear, sadness and grief gripped our household…
Our family unit had broken, we sold our home and life changed dramatically. For the first time ever, my 3 little girls saw me come to my knees in despair.
I was 95% the sole caretaker and provider for our now, family of four. I wanted things to remain as normal as possible for them and I sheltered them from the reality of our grave situation.
I feared others would see my failures as… weakness.
But you know what happened?
We began to heal, we began to get emotionally healthy.. and our lives began to change.
The pace of our day to day slowed and after some time, the sun began to shine again. We were traveling through the storm, we were processing our grief…and we were doing it together.
The vulnerability that I had at once feared, had become a catalyst of health, healing and greater love.
And you know what else happened?
God came and scooped me right up from where I was. The Holy Spirit carried me through this season of difficulty and after some time, that hard heart burst open
In all of that pain, there was healing as he knit my broken heart back together
And as I healed and strengthened, my 3 little girls healed and strengthened, alongside me.
God had provided me with an opportunity to change my life and through that, he transformed my heart.
Our lives are transparent these days without any hiding, shame or guilt. I can allow love in and pour love out on others.
I no longer view being vulnerable as scary or weak; it’s simply a part of who I am and how I reveal my true self to others.
I have found freedom in vulnerability, that has lead to authenticity in my life.
After some time passed, God gifted me with a loving, Christian man that I now call my husband. Our once small family of four has grown into a family of eight and I am privileged to be the Mama and bonus Mama to six children. Our lives are rich and full. We live with Jesus at the center of our lives and we fear nothing. Our children are experiencing a stable and steady home with the love of two parents.
Our vulnerability has led to a level of intimacy that binds our family together. These family bonds continue to strengthen in our blended family and give us the latitude to experience life’s highs and lows, with togetherness.
The trials were great, the darkness was unfathomable and the road was long.
But you know what?
I wouldn’t change it for the world
Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story–those he redeemed from the hand of the foe. Psalm 107:2 NIV